My Mother’s Daughter is a series of five paintings: Angel Eyes, My Mother’s Daughter, Mirror Mirror, Splitting Image, and Inherited. These self-portraits are a reflection of my ever-evolving sense of self, something constantly in flux. I seek to capture my lived experiences, thoughts, and emotions through my work, constantly exploring the intersection of personal and artistic expression. My Mother’s Daughter, a series of paintings, is an exploration of the complex relationship between mothers and daughters: “Mothers and daughters existing as wretched mirrors of each other; I am all you could have been and you are all I might be.” I have delved into this idea of mothers and daughters each reflecting the potential paths of the other. Each self-portrait represents a different aspect of my relationship with my mother and how it has impacted my self-image and mental health. Dissociation is a key theme throughout the series, and as such, I sought to capture the “subjective strangeness, unreality, disconnection, and shifts in perception” associated with this experience.

I begin my process with drawings of myself adorned with angel wings, a nod to a positive nickname given to me amid neglect and love. Using Photoleap AI, I generate hundreds of iterations of these self-portraits until a single image evokes the intense emotions I seek, echoing the emptiness and longing of my childhood. The dissociation that arises from giving up control to technology serves as a protective mechanism, replicating the themes of my work. From there, I transfer the image onto canvas and take control of the artistic process once again through paint, changing these images to my liking, symbolically reclaiming control of my adult life. Through this collection, I untangle the feelings associated with early years of dissociation using tangible psychological and psychedelic symbols. Capturing the delicate balance of familiar yet strange emotions I experienced during my childhood, this work delves into the impact childhood trauma has on personal identity and the ways in which the past continues to shape us as adults. Although the work in the series is deeply personal, it also speaks to larger themes and concepts. The paintings offer a unique perspective on the human condition, exploring the complexities of identity, relationships, and mental health.

The first piece in the collection and the title of the series, My Mother’s Daughter, started this body of work off as a tangible image of the feelings I associate with my childhood; specifically, on the person I am now, trying to recall those times. The dreamlike and surreal nature of the portrait offers insight into a world of memory and introspection. The image balances between uncanny and ethereal, playing up both its creepy and beautiful aspects. The figure has lush red lips, but upon closer inspection flora springs from her eye sockets and the boundaries of her figure begin to unwind. Reflecting on the complicated ways my relationship with my mother has impacted me both positively and negatively, each painting in the series then begins to similarly disintegrate and decompose as they progress. The second work, Angel Eyes, is accompanied by another aspect- a poem, written by my mother. This additional written work allows the viewers a small glimpse into the different pathways life may have taken. Visually, the work begins to morph into fluid-fungi-cloud shapes; these atmospheric blob forms begin to mesh within the figure and the boundaries continue to unravel. Because this work is associated with the most positive aspect of my relationship as a daughter, it is the most conventionally attractive. The painting is a love letter to the relationship we could’ve had if things had been different. Other works such as Splitting Image and Inherited showcase the more negative and often destructive characteristics this turbulent relationship had on my mental health.

My Mother’s Daughter represents a deeply personal examination of the ways my identity as an adult was forged through my complex and destructive mother-daughter relationship. It works in a variety of ways to discover how my own childhood trauma continues to shape my personal identity and expression. By inviting viewers to engage with my work and consider the themes and concepts explored, I hope to spark a conversation about the universal nature of inherited trauma and the power of artistic expression to heal and reclaim control over our own lives.

Černis E, Freeman D, Ehlers A. 2020. Describing the indescribable: A qualitative study of dissociative experiences in psychosis.

@sainticide “Mothers and daughters existing as wretched mirrors of each other; I am all 

you could have been and you are all I might be.” Twitter, 5 Oct. 2021, 11:30 

https://twitter.com/sainticide/status/1445411161453834243?lang=en